If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
