he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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