My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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