just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
