My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
