I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
