woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
