I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize