They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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