Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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