I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
