Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Randomize
