Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize