her facebook's as public as her vagina
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
