Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
