Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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