then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
