you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
