Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
pop tarts are not kleenex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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