Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
operation harelip BJ is a go
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
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I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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