You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
