I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
