it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
wow bdsm is so cute
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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