I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
These 21 Declassified Government Horrors Are Unimaginable
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.