How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.