Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?