you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
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Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?