if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
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new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
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We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing