I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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