I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.