If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
