I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
