my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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