Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
