dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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