If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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