Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
