I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
