he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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