What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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