she was so not down for the gang bang
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
