There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
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