I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
