Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
