I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
