i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize