i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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