i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
