On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
