I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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