my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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