We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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