I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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