And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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