So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize