Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
