the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
