She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
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Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
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Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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