i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
