The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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