I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
nutella sex= disaster
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
