Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
