Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
