is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
