I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
