I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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