oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
