i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
