shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
