fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
