I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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