I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
