oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
