watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
