The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
