you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
