Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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