he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Randomize