Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
