ugly people sure do ruin things
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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