When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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