I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
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I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
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Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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