i think my mom watched the whole time
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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